I never understood that death could take such a toll on someones life, that it could change them forever. I remember when I was 7, crouched under a blanket, wishing that these men would be gone and would leave my family alone. It was a Sunday afternoon, my parents and I were just watching Football. We heard something shatter upstairs, and my mom whispered closely to my ear, "Go hide". The first place I could think of at that moment was behind our couch with a blanket on top of me. I heard my parents cautiously walk up the stairs, to see what the disruption was. The next sound I heard was screaming, and then two gun shots. By that time I was silently crying, praying to God that they were ok, and that we could get out of this house...alive. I remember hearing the men close the door, and I sprinted upstairs to find my parents. When I got to the top, I found them laying in pools of blood...dead.
Therapist: So how does that make you feel?
Johnny: Sad that my childhood ended at that moment and that my life was never the same.
Therapist: Ok, you can carry on.
Johnny: So by then I was about 15, and I found myself living in my fourth foster home.
Therapist: So did you feel alone?
Johnny: No I remember there was this kid named Paul, he and I got along pretty well, but this kid got into some very bad stuff. There was a time when he and I were goofing around, with some drugs. I felt something suddenly clench my shoulder and then I turned around to see what happened, Paul had passed out. So I rushed him to the hospital, which was a few blocks down. The doctors told me that Paul overdosed on drugs and that his heart had stopped.
Therapist: So how did Paul's death affect you?
Johnny: It was up until then that I really started to feel alone.
Therapist: Continue.
When Paul died I felt detached like it was the world against myself. That's when my drug addiction sky rocketed, and more then half of the day I was high. I became majorly depressed and I just wanted to be dead. I had no friends, no money, no future, I owed people thousands of dollars, and nearly every night I got beat up by the kids in my foster home.
Therapist: What do you think influenced this act of behavior?
Johnny: Well obviously the death of the three most important people to me changed me. I became majorly depressed and I knew my future was a dead end road.
Therapist: Continue
Johnny: When I was 19 I began robbing places. The only reason why I was doing this was because I didn't even know when my next meal was or where I was going to sleep. I thought about suicide a COUPLE of times but I never really got the nerve. Looking back I think God was my conscious; he knew I had a future so he didn't let me kill myself.
(Author's Note: Now Johnny is not talking to his therapist; this is a real scene from his real life. He is 22 years old and is robbing a house with his friend Michael.)
Michael: Johnny you've got the gun right?
Johnny: Yea but Michael look there's a kid with his parents watching T.V., Lets hit the other house instead.
Michael: Who Cares? They have a BMW out front we are hitting this house, Johnny.
Johnny: No Michael, I can't do this anymore, I'm leaving.
Authors Note: Johnny is now 29 years old, he earned a degree in engineering and has a job with a successful company. He is happily married and has a child on the way. Johnny's life portrays the idea that one can hit rock bottom but still have hope in a future. George S. Patton once said, "Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."
Johnny: That sums up my life.
Therapist: Interesting.
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